


Shenanigans

by pressedinthepages



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Other, Pranks and Practical Jokes, but not the shitty kind, gender neutral reader, inappropriate use of signs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26886232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressedinthepages/pseuds/pressedinthepages
Summary: Eskel is the victim of a prank, and enlists help with revenge.
Relationships: Eskel (The Witcher)/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> Reader Request [ just found r esk/read stuff and WOW delicious... umm could you do an esk/read fluff? just some goofy stuff at kaer morhen? i love ur writing hav a nice day!/ maybe some pranks? inappropriate usage of signs and playin stuff like 'who can steal more of vesemirs stuff w/o noticing' ] omg cuteeee this was so sweet to write and im living

Your nose slowly regains feeling, having been in a regular state of freezing before being toted into the library and plopped in front of the roaring fire. Kaer Morhen was typically quite chilly in the winter, but none of the Wolves particularly enjoyed the cold, especially not Lambert. They kept numerous fires and piles of furs around the great castle, just waiting for someone to warm.

You lay on your side atop one of these furs, something soft and dense that smells just like Eskel. Said Witcher is laying behind you, his arm wrapped around your waist and his legs intertwined with yours. His breath tickles the back of your neck as you both lounge before the fire. 

“Lambert scared the shit out of me today,” Eskel mumbles, brushing his nose lightly against the nape of your neck. 

You hum, settling further back into him. “How in the world did he manage that?”

“Dumb bastard was hiding up in the rafters above the armory, apparently he had been up there all morning just waiting. Then, when I walked in, he dropped down behind me and tackled me to the ground, and then ran away before I could grab him. Ever since he’s started hanging around that Cat, he’s gotten much more agile.”

You grin, a haze settling over your vision, “I think he’s good for Lambert, makes him feel more human.”

Eskel only grunts in response, sleep clearly approaching quickly for both of you. “Would you help me enact revenge?” 

You turn in Eskel’s arms, kissing him deeply and nuzzling into his neck, basking in the warmth of his body. “Anything to protect your honor, my dear.”

And thus began the great Kaer Morhen Prank War.

* * *

It starts innocently enough, only needing to borrow a few of the animals from around the keep. You and Eskel rise before the sun, tending to the animals before carting a few through the cavernous halls of the castle. Eskel only needed to  _ Axii  _ Lil’ Bleater to be quiet for a moment, since she was the only one making any noise. 

You carefully tip open the door to Lambert’s room, noting how he snuffled into his pillow. You nod at Eskel, letting him step in to cast the same sign over his brother. Only enough to keep him asleep while you herd the animals into the room, Lambert snored loudly as three goats, a pig, two chickens, and Scorpion file into the room. You hadn’t even planned on Scorpion, but once he noticed your little parade he just decided to follow. 

Eskel slowly lifted the signs, the two of you sliding out of the door and hiding in a small alcove at the rear end of the hall. It only took a moment before you heard a shout, followed by a bang as Lambert presumably hit the floor. Your eyes widen as you see Lambert scramble out of his door, stopping to peer back inside of his room. 

“Oh-oh fuck. How?  _ Shit.  _ Okay, no problem. Just got a fuckin’ barnyard in my room, it’s fine.” Lambert turns and sprints the other way down the hall, leaving you and Eskel to finally succumb to the laughter that had been threatening to burst at the seams. Once you catch your breath, you move quickly, gathering all of the animals and urging them out of the hall. Eskel leads, keeping an eye out for Lambert. 

You make it back down to the courtyard without running into anyone else, depositing your herd before casually making your way back inside. You and Eskel walk back up the stairs, turning into the hallway that houses Lambert’s room. You can hear voices coming from inside, mainly Lambert’s.

“What the  _ hell _ ? I swear Vesemir, they were  _ just here.” _

__ Lambert is gesticulating wildly, turning on his heels when he hears the two of you enter. 

“What’s going on Lambert?” Eskel queries, quirking an eyebrow with a smirk.

The younger Witcher narrows his eyes, immediately pegging the two of you as the culprits. “Not damn thing, mind your business.” But you can tell by the twitching of his jaw that the game has only begun. 

Vesemir sighs, leaving the room. You can hear him grumbling about how things never seem to change, no matter how many years go by.

* * *

Lambert then corners you after supper, yanking you unceremoniously into an abandoned bedroom. His hands find a place on his hips, looking all the world like a parent scolding their unruly child. 

“Really??? I thought you better than this, I can’t believe you  _ helped  _ him get back at me!” Lambert hisses. You only shrug, not wanting to incriminate yourself further. Lambert squints, and you can clearly see the gears turning in his head. 

“Would you help me?” He asks. You blink, a smirk crossing your lips at the prospect. 

You nod, holding up a single finger. “Within reason, I won’t condone anything cruel.”

Lambert scoffs and rolls his eyes. “What do you take me for, an asshole?”

“Well, yes.”

“Eh, that’s fair. No worries, this is all just fun and games, I promise.” Lambert holds out a hand and you shake it, a new pact formed in the secret halls of the abandoned castle. 

* * *

The next morning, you convince Eskel to take you into the courtyard for some training. He is gentle with you, but firm enough for the both of you to actually benefit from the exercise. Your breath comes in visible puffs in the air and you try to keep your eyes trained on Eskel rather than where you know Lambert is hiding. 

You are doing your best to corner Eskel into the spot that you and Lambert had agreed on, but you had failed to remember that Eskel is a  _ fucking Witcher.  _ Every move that you make towards your goal only sends you two steps backwards, until you finally come up with an idea. 

You hold up a hand, feigning the need to catch your breath. When Eskel asks if you are alright you only nod, slowly creeping over to the designated spot. You put your hands on your knees and brace yourself, letting your chest heave with deep breaths. Eskel comes to your side and sets his hand on your shoulder, his golden eyes gleaming with worry. You glance over to your right, only a brief moment for confirmation of what will happen next.

Eskel murmurs your name and you look up, catching his eyes and smirking before twisting away, leaving him still for a split second, which is all Lambert needs. He launches out from behind the shed and signs  _ aard,  _ sending Eskel soaring into the giant mound of snow that you and Lambert had put together the evening before. You see Eskel’s head pop back up from the middle of the hill, a powdery white dusting over his hair making him look even more like Geralt. 

Lambert is doubled over with laughter and you step towards your Witcher with a smile on your face and your hand outstretched. Eskel takes it, fitting his fingers with your own and letting you help him out of the snow. As soon as he has his footing though he growls, tackling an unsuspecting Lambert to the ground. They roll over the cool cobblestones for a minute until Eskel has Lambert pinned beneath him. You approach cautiously, setting your hand on Eskel’s shoulder. 

“Now, love. Don’t get cross with him for a little bit of payback. I mean, we did put half of the barn into his room.”

Eskel sighs, hanging his head before climbing to stand. He helps up Lambert, clapping him on the shoulder. “Well played, brother.”

Lambert chuckles, rolling the same shoulder as if Eskel may have lightly dislocated it. “Same to you...maybe we should slow the pace? We won’t last all winter if we keep going like this..”

Eskel only hums and nods, turning back to you. You smile, pulling him in for a gentle kiss to the cheek. “Traitor,” he whispers, mirth evident in his voice.

“Oh no, love. That was my penance for helping you in the first place.”

Eskel smirks, a mischievous glint finding a home in his eyes. You barely have time to register that before he hauls you up over his shoulder, breaking off in a sprint to the keep, your laughter echoing in his wake. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading :) you can find me on tumblr @pressedinthepages


End file.
